A ghost world

The last eggsperiment of the semester! In a ghostly college.  The campus is pretty much dead, except for  a few wandering souls.  Most of the souls that are left hibernate in their rooms and only come out to eat meals.  At least, thats what I've been doing.  Its like I've been caught up in this whirlpool of work and now the dust is finally settling and I don't exactly know what to do.  Well its not like I'm completely done, I have an exam tomorrow that I am struggling to study for because I've convinced myself that I am totally done and have become completely brainless.  How do I possibly get myself through this horrible slump? Eggs.  Protein.  Brain food.  I thought about it yesterday and I've definitely eaten at least 100 eggs since starting this blog.

I go back to my other life in two days, for a month and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I wish that the two somehow inconceivably could overlap.  I haven't figured out exactly how it would work somehow with an instant thought of wanting to be in one world rather than the other I could just be there instantly. Instead of having these breaks that are decided for me.  But of course, that will never happen.

Five guys makes me wanna cry..

Just kidding, makes me smile, laugh and makes my stomach just a little bit bigger. mmmmmmm.

Wanted to take a picture of my burger, but I ate it too fast.  This is me stress eating, because in all honestly I'm not sure how I will make it through this next week.  (Not trying to be dramatic at all lol).  But really!!! I am a sleep deprived zombie, and I know I will feel just that much better when winter break comes around, but I'm getting a little sick of all this work.  I am starting to not feel human after all of these endless nights.  I hate when things end like this, with me BEGGING for them to be over.  I would much rather be driving away with tears in my eyes, but believe me I won't.  I can't wait to sleep and read and relaxx, when that day FINALLY comes in around 10 days, I will be the happiest camper out there.

Why oh why oh WHY am I awake?

I am asking you blog world, why when my eyes can no longer make out distinct objects, my brain is completely fried (like an egg lol) and my fingers are slowly no longer being able to function AM I AWAKE?

Right, Because it is finals.  Yep, nearing the end of the semester, which means lots of late nights, coffee and insanity.  But soon it will be done, I will be home and will not be required to have a single thought cross my mind.  Aaah only a few short 10 days away.

As it has recently occurred to me, it seems that my work is not enough to prevent my eyes from shutting.  I have been using several tactics to stay awake which include but are not limited to:
1. Shaking my head vigorously
2. Dancing around for brief intervals.
3. Stepping outside into the freezing cold for brief chats with friends.
4. And listening to some very hyped up mash ups.

Number three has probably worked out best, that cold is kind of hard to ignore and requires my body to wake up in order to stay alive.

I just finished a paper for a class that was in the style of a legal brief.  So i am sorry if this post is sounding quite formal.

Anyways, what I really am having trouble wrapping my head around is the fact that my first semester of freshman year of college is almost over.  HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

Well unfortunately I can only afford to think about that for approximately two minutes, and now its back to studying.

Reflections on Barlow, the Public Sphere and eggs.

Throughout this semester, in my English class, “Blogging, E-Text and Me” we have discussed the theories of several philosophers.  One of who is Aaron Barlow.  In his book, “Blogging America”, Barlow discusses the public sphere, a free forum within society, where ideas formulate, meaning is negotiated and expression is unlimited.   In the excerpt that we read, he traces the progression and regression of the public sphere.  How it was completely free and wild, without limitations and then its regression, when large companies owned printing presses, and not individuals.  To the period of time, when media polluted the public sphere and fed us most of what we know, when we did not have the option of choosing what we ate.  He discusses how with blogs, we are reclaiming the public sphere.  Blogs are free, anyone can create it, anyone can earn validation with self-publication, and set free whatever ideas they choose.  Blogs are not limited; the information that enters the blogging world is not censored, or controlled by any media outlets.  It is a continuous, constantly changing negotiated conversation.  A conversation that has no end, and whose vastness I cannot conceive. 

My first home eggsperiment of the year!

After learning about the public sphere, I realized how necessary and intertwined the idea is in our society, for any society for that matter.  In order to find some sort of understood truth in any matter, it’s essential to have ideas clash.  And if the public sphere did not exist, if our right to freedom of speech did not exist, our ideas could not collide, swallow each other and spit out new ones.  Where would we be without good, rowdy arguments?  I don’t mean meaningless arguments amongst too highly opinionated people.  But I mean where would we be if opinions have not battled each other.  There is no known truth waiting to be discovered that overrides all other opinions.  It doesn’t exist.  We have been thrown into this world, into this society knowing nothing.  We learn from each other, from history.  We begin to learn when we enter the ongoing stream of consciousness, the ongoing discussion amongst people that has no end. We can no nothing until our ideas are challenged, and until we are proven wrong.  With that realization and acceptance of being wrong, comes the reward of the ability to see the world in a different way, through the opinions of others.  The world of blogging is not as much a new phenomenon as it is the repossession of the public sphere by the public.  We are able to publish anything that we produce through blogs, which has the potential to lead to more crap.  However it is also we the readers who decide which blogs get our attention that is the only filter, we are the ones filtering out the crap.  For too long, the public sphere was out of the public’s control, we were forced to be passive observers.  But with blogging, we can let free our ideas, and see if they sink, swim or go unnoticed in the world of blogging.  But the main thing is that they are there and that they will remain there.  

Am I an old soul?

My first real meal at home!!!!!!!

I can act both physically and mentally like I am well past my 18 years.  I have the memory of a much older person; I remember almost nothing from my childhood and what I do turns out to be false.  I sometimes struggle to remember things from yesterday or a week ago.  I am very hard of hearing, often just smiling and nodding when I get too frustrated struggling to understand people. I myself also mix up words a lot.  Once I repeatedly referred to a tampon as an “IPod”, seriously confusing my friend.  Well a large part of my “old soul” characteristics is that I can be very cynical.  Where does my cynicism come from? I really don’t know.  Life hasn’t dealt me enough bad cards for it to be justified.  My sister can also be very cynical and I wonder if we both inherited this from our parents?  Well it’s the most frustrating of my elderly characteristics and I am constantly battling it.  For the most part I manage to maintain a pretty positive easygoing attitude about life, but then I’ll notice my thoughts or words slipping into the negative cynical side.  And I think what? Why did I even think that? I guess I’ve got a bit of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in me. 

I recently saw a documentary that really left me inspired.  It was called “May I be Frank” and followed the transformation of an obese and depressed man.  He one day stumbled into a raw food restaurant and was asked the question “What do you want to do before you die?” His response “I want to fall in love one more time, but nobody will love me in this body.  I don’t even love me in this body” inspired three of the restaurant workers to help him fulfill this goal.  The documentary was REAL, it was not forced, it was not cheesy and it was real life.  At one point, Frank, fed up having to cover up as the cameras followed him from his colonic session to the bathroom took off the gown and stood butt naked in front of the camera.  It was real life, he struggled a lot and he did not instantly lose weight.  But he did in the end, he mended his life and he fell in love with himself. 

This documentary made me want to eat well, and remember to meditate everyday as well as exercise.  I saw it a little over a week ago and it has been hard to uphold this goal.  I have been eating well, but who has the time to meditate? I love it when I can but it seems like I have to push myself to do it. 

Well, I’m writing this on the train home for thanksgiving break, and when I post it, it will be from my house! I love train rides.  Despite the fact that my legs are asleep and my bladder is a bit too full, the view out of the window is beautiful, the lights in the pitch dark and the reflection on the water.  Not to mention my continual amazement that I am moving past all this scenery so quickly, passing so many towns, people, trees and barely getting acquainted.  That the next time I step out of this metal box, I will be stepping onto completely new ground then where I stood five hours ago baffles me. 

Living a double life.

By day I am your average college student...by night, a super villain.

And maybe not so much.  But I am living a double life I really am I swear! What I mean by this is being at college but also still having and keeping my life at home in tact.  Preserving it.  Even though none of my friends are still there, it's like that life still exists, frozen in time.  Until this past weekend, I had not left the bubble that is my college.  And when I did, it was weird.  Wow there are real people out there, I have to spend real money on food? What do you mean I can't just swipe my card to get into the dining hall? And what was weird and somewhat disturbing was how foreign walking felt! I walked so much this weekend and am used to walking a lot at home but living on a campus, you only walk back and forth to a few places.  I had forgotten about my legs.  I have always been a bit of a vagabond.  A lot of me misses being able to hop on a train and be in a city within twenty minutes. But, don't get me wrong it's beautiful here.  And we already had our first snowfall! And it wasn't just slush.  My first instinctual thought was oh great, theres gonna be muddy, yellow slush everywhere.  But it actually stayed as packable snowball ready snow for a while.  That is the miracle of upstate new york.

Back to the double life.  When visiting my friends it was just nice to feel so comfortable.  I was back with my friends from high school and it was as if nothing had changed.  We were all just as goofy as ever.  And of course within about three seconds we were all giving each other shit.  They were making fun of my outfit, me forgetting my bag on the ground, and in general we were all ragging on each other for just about everything.  And I loved every minute of it.  Eeeeh sorry about the sentimentality! A full serving of fresh n hot eggs will be coming right up tomorrow y'all! Stay hungry my friends.

I'm sorry Feta

But I have been untrue. HEYYY goat cheese ;)!!

My original favorite.

The Eggsperiment today was the best so far:

Goat Cheese
Sauteed Onions
Mushrooms
Tomatoes

I was using raw onions and mushrooms so I cooked them on the grill first.

The second picture is my friends Eggsperiment of her own:
She carved out a bagel, put ketchup in it, Sausage, cheese, egg, and goat cheese--> HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS!

My sister came to visit me for two days this week at college.  It was so weird to see her here, my older sister now visiting ME at college, it's completely surreal.  We remembered when I was a  freshman in high school braces and all, visiting her at Wesleyan.  Looking up at all the older, wiser, scary College students.  And now...I am one! When did this happen?  I've always been almost too aware of time ever since I was little, always remembering that things will be going faster than I think which has potential to both limit and enhance the enjoyment I get out of life.  It's good to remember to "live it up", "live like your dying", but also not so good to always be aware that things are going to end.

Anyways, when my sister visited a friend of mine remarked that we are "exactly the same".  We always have referred to ourselves as "Twins four years and ten days apart",   But when I really think about what makes us similar, its hard.  We have completely different academic interests, and hobbies but somehow we are "linked"together, with a bond that cannot be broken!! I don't know how this happened, maybe together fighting the power of our parents?  Maybe it was because when we were little we had a "blood sisters" ceremony (even though we already are blood sisters).  We never actually pricked our fingers but dripped wax on them and stuck them together, the reason we are so close.

I have been thinking about this all week, I've had a lot on my mind which keeps reminding me to get a journal, maybe instead of just posting on here.