Am I an old soul?

My first real meal at home!!!!!!!

I can act both physically and mentally like I am well past my 18 years.  I have the memory of a much older person; I remember almost nothing from my childhood and what I do turns out to be false.  I sometimes struggle to remember things from yesterday or a week ago.  I am very hard of hearing, often just smiling and nodding when I get too frustrated struggling to understand people. I myself also mix up words a lot.  Once I repeatedly referred to a tampon as an “IPod”, seriously confusing my friend.  Well a large part of my “old soul” characteristics is that I can be very cynical.  Where does my cynicism come from? I really don’t know.  Life hasn’t dealt me enough bad cards for it to be justified.  My sister can also be very cynical and I wonder if we both inherited this from our parents?  Well it’s the most frustrating of my elderly characteristics and I am constantly battling it.  For the most part I manage to maintain a pretty positive easygoing attitude about life, but then I’ll notice my thoughts or words slipping into the negative cynical side.  And I think what? Why did I even think that? I guess I’ve got a bit of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in me. 

I recently saw a documentary that really left me inspired.  It was called “May I be Frank” and followed the transformation of an obese and depressed man.  He one day stumbled into a raw food restaurant and was asked the question “What do you want to do before you die?” His response “I want to fall in love one more time, but nobody will love me in this body.  I don’t even love me in this body” inspired three of the restaurant workers to help him fulfill this goal.  The documentary was REAL, it was not forced, it was not cheesy and it was real life.  At one point, Frank, fed up having to cover up as the cameras followed him from his colonic session to the bathroom took off the gown and stood butt naked in front of the camera.  It was real life, he struggled a lot and he did not instantly lose weight.  But he did in the end, he mended his life and he fell in love with himself. 

This documentary made me want to eat well, and remember to meditate everyday as well as exercise.  I saw it a little over a week ago and it has been hard to uphold this goal.  I have been eating well, but who has the time to meditate? I love it when I can but it seems like I have to push myself to do it. 

Well, I’m writing this on the train home for thanksgiving break, and when I post it, it will be from my house! I love train rides.  Despite the fact that my legs are asleep and my bladder is a bit too full, the view out of the window is beautiful, the lights in the pitch dark and the reflection on the water.  Not to mention my continual amazement that I am moving past all this scenery so quickly, passing so many towns, people, trees and barely getting acquainted.  That the next time I step out of this metal box, I will be stepping onto completely new ground then where I stood five hours ago baffles me.